Today is Wednesday, March 23, 2011. Just another day right? Well- not for me. Today was a day full of reflection, emotion, and gratitude. One year ago today I was given news that would forever change me. The words "You have cancer" will ring in my ears forever. I can remember it all so clear- standing in the kitchen preparing breakfast for my boys. They were so cheerfully playing with one another, and Cali Grandma was here to join. I was in a bit of pain from the biopsy the day before, but that pain seemed like nothing compared to the pain I felt when I heard those awful words. We had our day planned out. Errands to run, preschool drop off and pick up, shopping- and this phone call to the imaging place was just one more thing to mark off of the "to do" list. I was sure that I would call and they would tell me everything was fine, and that they would see me in a year. How wrong I was. The doctor who performed the biopsy also delivered the news to me. I remember thinking I felt like I was suddenly in an episode of Charlie Brown, because I couldn't understand a word she was saying. I quickly handed the phone to my Mom and just hoped that she could make sense of it all and possibly change the result. I fell to my knees and began sobbing in the hallway, as my kids quickly ran to me to see what was wrong. I couldn't hold it in, but I didn't want to tell them. I told them that Mommy had just heard some bad news, but assured them that everything would be alright. Mom was in the kitchen quickly writing notes as the doctor spoke. This is when the whirlwind began.
I called Brian at work and just asked for him to come home as quickly as possible. The shopping and the errands were quickly scratched off of the "to do" list. My world came crashing down at that instant. The phone calls then began. We called my favorite doc- Dr Semrad- to get guidance and figure out what step number one was. He was so amazing and got me in to see the most amazing general surgeon the next day. His schedule was booked for the next month, but Dr Semrad made magic happen! I began reading, googling, crying, googling, crying, reading. I was numb.
That day seemed like the absolute longest day of my life. And here I sit, one year later, with a smile on my face as I type this, thinking of all of the beautiful things that I have to be grateful for. I made it! We made it! I chose to fight and I won! I used to think that sounded kind of silly- but not now. I get it. I lived it. I am living it! We still have a couple of months to go before we celebrate the one year anniversary from surgery, but today was still a big day.
I noticed things today- things I don't think I paid attention to a year ago. I noticed the birds chirping, and the smell of freshly cut grass. I snuggled extra long with my boys- and felt so lucky to do so. I had a card waiting for me when I got up this morning from my amazing husband- and cried as I read it- paying attention to how meaningful his words are.
Life is good. Cancer brought me to a whole new place. I wouldn't change it. I have learned so much- and so much I want to share.
Thank you to everyone who has loved us through this most challenging year. We learned that family doesn't always necessarily mean blood, for we were carried through this by the love of our friends, and most importantly God. He has a plan for us and we are so excited to be open to that and on this journey with Him.
As I continue to heal physically, mentally, and emotionally, I promise to do so with a purpose. I am going to make a difference- somehow, someway. Walk this journey with me- we can all learn so much!
Much Love and Gratitude
Lindsay